.Precious Time.

I have struggled all day with whether or not I want to share something a bit more personal but, as my mom always says...."trust your gut" and if it popped in my head and fled to my heart, it is likely for good reason. 

I don't often share too much about my personal life with clients unless I feel comfortable or something possesses me to do it. This business started in an attempt to create some kind of beginning out of the awful ending I had just faced. I had been taking photos for quite some time--free shoots until I had felt comfortable charging....and mostly of my friends and family--whoever I could con into joining me. 

Two years ago, when I finally launched Oh! Photography, it was less about the photos and more about me. I had buried my husband just 6 months earlier and was in search of a distraction...anything that made me smile and reminded me how to laugh....so I sought it out in children, families, seniors, dogs--really anything "normal." I know that sounds crazy--it did to me, too--but I was so hopeful that this would become just what I needed in this time in my life. 

What I didn't anticipate is that it would become an extension of my heart and that my loss would be the very thing that makes me so aware of your precious moments. 

I spent this morning at Eric McLean's funeral...in between a crazy day of shoots (thank you to my clients for rearranging) and found that I truly am better in this business because of my loss. I know that sounds crazy and I also know that I would give it all back in a moment's notice to have not had gone through it at all but that isn't the hand I was dealt. 

My friend turned to me before the procession started and said, "I think you should do more weddings" Puzzled, I said-huh...she responded and said, "You know, happy things" and all I could tell her was, "I am better for every single wedding (and session) because I know this part." I didn't realize the weight in those words until they had come out. I have always been myself in this business and gone with my heart above all else. People tell me every day how talented I am...but these moments I create are the ones that I, myself, miss the most. It's so much more than a girl with her camera, 65 lenses, a flash, and a fancy bag. It's because of how deep I hurt once that I see with my heart and not just my eyes. 

I realized today, while sitting in that pew hearing about how short life is and reflecting on this man's beautiful life, that I truly hope you capture your moments. I don't care who it's with....I'm not for everyone...but I hope you're not letting these precious minutes pass you by. Tonight, instead of rushing home to edit photos, I spent it with my best friend laughing, crying, and making my moments count. Sure, I have photos coming out of my ears but I will never again have today and that was suddenly more important than anything else.

What I do know is that everyone dies somehow but not everyone lives. I don't know what my life would be like if Chris hadn't died but I do know that my business and my life are better for having loved him at all and that's more than so many people get.

I tell you all this, not for sympathy or sweet comments, but so that you know I'm human, too. I have fallen and I have gotten back up. I have hurt and I have laughed with my whole heart. I know what is important because I know such deep loss and I am not the only one who has experienced it and, certainly, there will be more just like me. 

I close with one of my favorite photos of us. In fact, it was our last photo together--maybe that's why it holds so much meaning--at the last Brewer game I attended three years ago, just two and a half weeks before he died. I could have never known that my soft place to land would include complete strangers sharing their lives and families with me but it is the very thing that fills my soul and every new baby, every wedding, every child, every family, every senior, every new beginning reminds me of what I know for sure--life does go on and sometimes the best and most beautiful things are right before your eyes. 

Hug your family a little tighter....forgive your enemies....dream bigger....never give up....never lose hope....and live....I mean really live.

I will be returning emails and phone calls in the next two days....for now, I'm soaking in my moments.